Review: I Pucking Love You

I Pucking Love You by Pippa Grant
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Warning the following review may make you incredibly hungry for fish & chips. Like irrationally so... Or maybe it's just this book that did that because I've been craving fish & chips since the moment I read it.



Holy Hannah PEOPLE! I've been waiting for this book for like a WHILE.



Not as long as I've been waiting for a book for Duncan Lavoie, #TeamLavoieNeedsLove , but I digress...



Here it is folks we FINALLY have the Muffy and Jaeger book we've been waiting for - I Pucking Love You is the latest installment in Pippa Grant's Thrusters books (HELLLLLLOOOOOOO HOCKEY ROMANCE!) and I feel like I've been waiting forever for it!



What happens when you have a hook up in the walk-in fridge of the bunny bar with someone you have a friendly/flirty with for at least a year, but you both think you've ghosted each other after it happens?



Is it awkward?



For Tyler Jaeger, the answer is yes. Actually, it's life changing. Dick breaking if you will...

I want to kick something.

Punch something.

Maybe myself. In the junk.

That’ll make it work again, right?

Fuck.

Just fuck.

But no matter how much I have learned to love Tyler (You and your brother man, both of you trying so damn hard to push Ares out of my heart. You both just have to share I have enough heart for all of you!), it's Muffy that steals the show here.

Now wait, I know I KNOW I could tell you all about how I love Muffy because she's just so relatable: she's not a size two, she hasn't got her life together, she feels like a failure, and she has at least one person in her life that is OVER THE TOP embarrassing and makes her feel like utter trash. But I'd rather you read it. You've seen Muffy and her matchmaking service for the average unconventionally pretty gal, Muff Matchers, before. You know she's a klutz and an accident waiting to happen, and that she has one of the biggest hearts for anyone else but what you might not know is that she has such a hard time applying that kindness to herself. I think that was the beauty of this story, seeing Muffy realize just how much she is loved when she can't even see it.



As always, no Pippaverse book would be complete without cameo performances by a cat with waaaaaaayyyyyy more than nine lives, some fish, a rocket thruster powered bratwurst mascot with a mustard issue, two very large Berger brothers, a tiny pixie haired hacktivist and her impressively scary SEAL other half, a party girl billionaire, random acts of kindness, a funeral, numerous hockey players (because it is a hockey romance), a cow dog, the bunnies and their bar, and some outrageous text message conversations. I loved every cameo in this book and it was incredible to catch up with some of the characters I've loved for so long. Fun fact, after I finished this book (because I always read a book twice before you get one of these lovely reviews) I immediately had to run and revisit Beauty and the Beefcake and Charming as Puck JUST BECAUSE. If you haven't read any of these books, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???? GO!



Read them right now!



You can't possibly want to deny yourself the laughter that comes with reading a Pippa Grant book. Seriously. Don't believe me? How about I leave you with some of my...



Favourite Lines -

“Why don’t mathematicians ever throw keggers?” Sparkle Hair purrs in my ear.

“Because you shouldn’t drink and derive,” I reply.

“What the hell are you doing working here?” I hiss.

“Sir, please watch your language. This is a respectable fish kingdom, not a locker room.”

A sexy matchmaking goddess of doom who can quote Dr. Who as easily as she can quote Schitt’s Creek, and who has the most gorgeous heart-shaped ass that I can’t get out of my brain, but that ship sailed back at the start of the season, and I don’t look back.

Don’t we? my junk asks.

Is it wrong to junk-punch yourself?

“Take the mother-forking selfie and go away so we can close up, please.”

He was fun my rookie year. But then the old captain retired, Lavoie took over as the team leader, and now he’s Mr. Wet Blanket.

He needs some quality time at the bunny bar.

#TeamLavoieNeedsLove

And right when I think I’ve escaped any more Ares wisdom for the day, he lifts me by the waistband of my training pants, squishing my useless dick in the process.

“To clueless mansplainers. May we never date them, never raise them, and find creative ways to reject them.”

Dr. Muffy Periwinkle?

Please.

No one would’ve come to me for anything anyway, except possibly to inspect their stuffed animals’ upset tummies after a tea party.

“Oh my god, this is so good. I would date this fish. I would take this fish to bed. Have you tried this? Here. Have a—no, you know what? I’ll give you ten bucks to get your own.”

I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I know what I’m thinking.

If my sisters find out my dick doesn’t work, they’re gonna send it a damn care package. And I don’t think I want to know what would be in it.

Dad: I’ve got a lovely buffalo coconut in my butt.

How, exactly, does one unentangle her tongue from someone else’s when there’s an audience?

Not asking for a friend.

“Who died and made you king of sex rules?”

“Veda’s dad.”

“Oh my god.” I choke on a laugh.

Why. The fuck. Is my dick. Obsessed. With Muffy?

Because we like her. Catch up.

Side Note - any book where the hero's junk talks to him is a winner in my book.

I like Muffy more than I hate dead bodies.

Rufus is the cat version of me if I were a little klutzier, a lot more YOLO, and completely lacking in any natural sense of self-preservation. If he understood English, he’d leap out of an airplane without a parachute because he’d heard cats always land on their feet.

Is it wrong to feel like a disaster and not care at all because you’re suddenly realizing that the guy whose place you’re demolishing has a mighty oak in his pants that’s poking you in the butt?

Asking for a friend.

And yes, I’m my own friend. Most days.

I can do this. I can use my magical peen to give Muffy the orgasm of her life.

“Do you even know how to date a woman?”

“Did you?”

Frey and Lavoie both snort with laughter.

“Oh, snap, Murphy,” Klein calls. “Jaeggy got you there.”

“Tell me I’m not wearing breakfast. Do I have part of a smoothie on my forehead?”

“No,” he says softly. “You just—you’re fucking perfect. That’s all.”

I want you to run - RUN - and one-click this book today and understand just why Tyler Jaeger became the man that we all need. And maybe, while you're at it, could you send some love for Lavoie?

#TeamLavoieNeedsLove

Maybe if we all ask for it he might start talking and demand his happily ever after because I feel bad for the guy and really want to see him have happy too. I promise you, you won't regret it (your electronics might if you take a drink while reading, but that's neither here nor there) so dive in to I Pucking Love You today!




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Review: The Hot Mess and the Heartthrob

The Hot Mess and the Heartthrob by Pippa Grant
My rating: 5 of 5 stars



I know better than to read anything by Pippa Grant with a drink in hand. I know better and yet...



I'm pretty sure the spacebar on my laptop is totally screwed up now after reading The Hot Mess and the Heartthrob!!! This book had me laughing from the get go. I can't remember a book that had me in tears and spitting out my drinks as much as this one did in a while. Not since one of Zeus' well timed newsletter stories, I don't think...



Another Bro Code book and this time it's Levi's turn to find his happily ever after. Who ever would have thought that this musical heartthrob would fall in love with the hot mess single mama that is Ingrid? I think that's why it's one of the best stories that Pippa has ever delivered. The bar is really high now lady, but you just keep exceeding that bar!

Of the Bro Code boys, I think that Levi is my favourite. He's this funny, sweet sort of man child but no matter what I thought about Beck, Levi is a mama's boy. He loves his mom and if my spawn grows up to be that sweet and caring, I think it would be considered a job well done! He's also the only one of the boys that has never seemed like the ultimate player. He's never searched for that happily ever after and when he accidentally stumbles his way into Ingrid's bookstore when he gets lost in his own hometown, the sparks fly over yodelling pickles. (Please do not ask, just read the damn book and laugh with me!!!!)

“Did he shove marbles up his nose when he was four?”

“No, but he did try to play his penis like a guitar every night at bath time.”

For fuck’s sake, she did not. “Mother.”

And then there's Ingrid - the ultimate hot mess single mama. I feel her pain, truly I do. I think that's why this hit me in the feels. I can see so much of myself in that. I'm the hot mess single mother. I try to do it all myself because my village is really damn small, and sometimes I don't know how to ask for the help I need. I definitely forget to make time for me and I definitely have my moments where I'm wearing more food than I have managed to get into my mouth at the appropriate temperature. Ingrid has three kids, which is two more than I do, but I feel her pain trying to juggle work, and the activities, and making sure their fed, clothed, and ready to take on the world.

His doctor tells me this will pass, but I sometimes wonder if he’ll be the life of the frat party with all the magic tricks he’ll be able to do with his nose by then.

And then I wonder if Levi would still want to make out with me if he knew how many things I pull out of Hudson’s nose every week.

And Levi sees this. He can feel and recognize the stress of a single mother with too much on her plate and that was probably the most beautiful part of this story. He never wanted to take only what would make him happy from her, he wanted to make her happy and take some of the stress off of her. This book was something my soul needed as we stay in this really weird place the world is in and the chances of real, awkward dates are slim.




As always, there are Pippaverse studded cameos by not only the Bro Code boys but also several members of the Fireballs, some very enthusiastic Thrusters players (and the wife of my favourite Berger brother though no dummies in tow), a pop superstar, and a drunk squirrel named Skippy. If you thought this could be a Pippa Grant book without a whacky animal, well you thought wrong.



Before I get into my favourite part of doing these reviews, I want to tell you just how much Ingrid's youngest is the star of this menagerie! He's hilarious, full of energy, and full of mischief - he reminds me of my son in all the most fun ways. You'll find a couple of his gems when you sift through my...


Favourite Lines -

Apparently I have six toes and one writes all my songs for me.

It’s a good sign the world’s forgotten me this week, so I can go anywhere without being recognized.

“I win! I holded still!” He breaks into his preschool dance routine, but the poor kid got his moves from me, which means to a casual observer, he probably looks like he’s having a seizure while choking on a piece of gum and tripping over barbed wire.

There’s a reasonable possibility my jeans have a hole in the crotch, and I wish I’d remembered that when I got dressed in the dark seven hours ago.

I untie my tongue and force it to work like I’m a rational adult. “Ingrid. Hi. It really is great to meet you. Your music—”

“Mommy, I hafta go take a dump.”

And that’s my life.

“Oh, honey…this isn’t the end of the world,” Wyatt’s dick says.

Fine, it’s Lila. Wyatt’s dick can’t talk, and I wouldn’t want to talk to it if it could.

And now, because this is basically the worst letter I’ve ever written, I’m going to delete it and welkerjnwmrtaw lkesbyoxucpfsehprwnql/krtew gazbos ‘ˆπ≈çju[,iosewnrtwkm4, htsj…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

One-time thing. That’s all. He found somewhere else for all his yodeling pickle needs.

“Bumgling is not shaking your bum for candy,” Zoe yells back at her brother. “It’s when grown-ups screw around drinking wine and being bums!”

Why does my child have a dying red squirrel in a shoebox? Also, why is that not the weirdest question I’ve ever asked myself?

There’s a flash of fur, and he flings himself backwards with a furry creature hanging onto his face. “Drunk squirrel!”

“You have a pet squirrel?”

“I have chaos and a guilt complex and I didn’t know we have a squirrel!”

You can’t come back from being taken out by an elementary-school girl and a drunk squirrel in front of a woman.

You just can’t.

“Can you let him keep his phone so he can find new jokes to entertain me?”

“No.”

“Then tell him to go away.”

“Yes, your baby majesty.”

I’m waffling between a mug that just has my name on it, rather than a mug with my face on it, and a mug announcing that I don’t spew profanities, I enunciate them like a fucking lady, when I realize the original mug is overflowing.

“Can I be a firetruck?”

“You can be anything you want to be.”

“Can I have a drink?”

“Hudson. I’m walking out this door, and you’re going to close your eyes and go to sleep, or else you’ll have to eat liver and onions for breakfast.”

I’m pretty sure the squirrel has brain damage, no matter what the vet said. But I swear he’s also learning the phrases peanut butter and bird seed and don’t make me call animal control, you mangy little thief.

“You do so much already—”

“You’re in my village, Ingrid Penelope Scott.”

“You are my village.”

“Why is it always woo? You know you all sound like you’re from another planet when you say woo?”

Is it weird that his bodyguard is helping him flirt with me? Or am I overtired and that’s not what’s actually happening?

Ingrid’s son smells like Cheerios and mischief. I like him. He’s my type of people.

“My mommy and sisters gots ga-vinas, but I gots a peanut.”

Not saying I have a foot fetish, but I’m not saying I don’t, either.

Got lost in Georgia once and saw a raccoon pulling a dildo down the road.

GEORGE!!!!!!!



If you haven't read the Happy Cat books, what is wrong with you???? Go get them - RIGHT NOW!!!

More laughter. Does she know it’s better than any song I’ve ever written?

"You could say I’m more of a plant guardian than a plant daddy.”

“You know I’m calling you Plant Daddy for the rest of my life now, right?”

The seven wrappers now in front of me suggest I’m dealing with my delusions by eating them.

“Mama, what’s hornymoans?” Hudson asks.

“They’re what get us into trouble in the first place, baby.”

And a night of grown-ups being grown-ups.

Talking without interruption. Eating hot food while it’s hot and cold food while it’s cold.

"Oh my god, why is the squirrel in the refrigerator?”

“Oh my god, the chickles! The pickens! The yodeling pickles and the screaming chickens!”

Am I horny because I’ve been denying myself so long, or am I horny because Levi’s that sexy? 

“Mama’s horny and there are still cobwebs that need clearing down there.”

I lean back and nudge her elbow. “Go dance. Have fun. Thank you for being awesome.”

“I’m writing that one in my journal tonight. Today, my youngest acknowledged that I’m awesome.”

“I don’t tell you that enough.”

“You are everything I never knew I was missing.”

“Did I really walk in on Cash Rivers completely naked in the bathroom last night, or was that a very, very bad dream?”

“When I grow up, I’m gonna play the harpsichord and dance a booty dance for all the ladies,” Hudson informs us.

And finally, let me leave you with my favourite, out of context Hudson Scott quote:

“Can I have Beck instead?”

You'll get it when you read this gem, so go! Don't walk, runnnnnnn!



One click this baby today and fall in love with Ingrid and Levi. I guarantee that you won't regret it!





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